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Dating sex and friends
Without the dishonesty of deception or hidden agendas, the misunderstandings and unrealistic expectations that can often lead to hurt feelings will largely be avoided.Friends who have known each other a long time are obviously more likely to have a high level of mutual respect.
Doing a quick calculation, the massive majority of friendships do not include sexual activity. About 76 percent of those who “went there” with a friend said the relationship got better. Okay, the reality is about half of these folks started dating their friend after the fun, even though that wasn’t their original intention.
However, enough people have experienced this situation to warrant asking how it impacted the friendship. But the other half kept on as friends—friends who said the quality of the friendship bond increased.
Greg, I wonder what distinguishes a friendship that lasts from one that becomes strained?
The research pointed to an answer (the importance of parallel intentions) but there's always more to know. I was the type of person who always said "Dont mix love and friendship".
On the other hand, there was considerable damage to some of these friendships, and the difference appears to be related to whether men and women are clear about their intentions.
For example, if you sense that sexual activity would really “mean something” to your friend, but not to you, and you go there anyway, friendship quality can take a hit. On being "just friends": The frequency and impact of sexual activity on cross-sex friendship.What they found, at least among college students, was rather striking.I describe this research not to encourage or normalize sex in friendship, but because I think it helps us understand the variety of bonds that can work between men and women. Of the 300-plus surveyed, 20 percent of men and women acknowledged sexual activity with at least one friend at some time in their life.With one friend, it happened once, and it did cause strain in the relationship - ultimately, we lost touch.The other one is a friend still, and while our sexual relationship is more than a decade in the past, neither of us (I hope; suppose I can only speak for myself) regrets those past experiences, which sometimes acted as a balm in rough times, and other times relieved the boredom of a dry period when it came to dating.One’s baseline level of trust hugely influences how one treats others. Talk it over and don’t be afraid to speak from your heart. If you meet someone interesting and jump into bed before you even know the person, how smart is that?E.g., if you basically expect others to be trustworthy, you will be more honest with the people you meet. Excerpted from my blog post: idea a little odd that one shouldn’t have sex with one’s friends seems odd under even the most cursory scrutiny. Shouldn’t you establish a sort of basic friendship first? The problem lies in how people react to their emotions. Neither Paula or Trey “schizzed out.” When they woke up, Trey made apple waffles and Paula created a Rolling Stones station on Pandora.As a long-time researcher of male-female friendship, my stance was that real friends put attraction in the metaphorical backseat (there are different kinds of attraction in friendship, see Can You on it—could easily be the death of an otherwise great friendship.Stories like Paula and Trey’s, along with the findings of Afifi and Faulkner, have almost changed my mind.Afifi and Faulkner investigated the frequency and impact of sexual episodes in otherwise platonic friendships (i.e., friendships where dating was not the intention).