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Annals of online dating

People have begun writing me for online dating advice, which is unsurprising, I suppose, since I’ve written quite a few times on the topic.Since it’s in my nature to have an opinion on most subjects, I’m only too happy to reply.But it’s hopeless: we are as smug and pleased with ourselves as canary-stuffed cats. The way I see it, there are two kinds of success: the outward kind that involves attaining or exceeding a measurable goal; and the inward kind, remaining rooted and whole while pursuing your desires, so that setbacks don’t throw you.

Marshall wasn’t as eager to vet my prospects, but he was willing to consult if I needed a man’s viewpoint.But I have definitely learned a few things from my online dating experience. Listening to me talk about him, my friend said that he felt “familiar,” a word I at first resisted: after all, you can get used to something or someone without feeling much pleasure in the proximity.They may not guarantee outward success for other seekers after love, but I think they will definitely enhance the odds of inward success. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew what she meant: , in the sense of kinship and affinity, a deep comfort with another person grounded in an acceptance that is close to unconditional.I wanted him to be my brother or my new best friend, and despite his disappointment, he was willing. He was hurting, and I felt very sorry for causing that, but we both kept showing up anyway.We began joking about helping each other find partners.Fireworks last night in Richmond, which sponsors a convivial gathering every July third. It’s been a busy time for me in online dating world: much fun, new friends, maximizing my exposure to serendipity on the road to true love.There’s a great view of the display from the lawn across from my apartment. I keep being surprised at how much this process teaches me about myself.We’ve been having those freezing summer mornings in the Bay Area. The physical sensation is reminiscent of fear and of love, which have been much on my mind. One of the many reasons I hope I am granted long life is that I think it is going to take me quite a while to finish rewiring my brain.The wind rattled my windows all night long, and right now, the sky is the color of dirty snow. For instance, if you are like me, a cache in your mind holds a photo album crammed with snapshots of decisive moments from your personal … Martin Luther King, Jr., a calendrical accident that confers the spiritual equivalent of a contact high. Every year has a distinct character and completeness that begs to be understood: I want to hang it on the …Judging by the prevalence of advice books on the best-seller lists, a great many of us believe there’s a formula for success in almost every endeavor, and that we can learn it from life’s winners—sports heroes, self-made billionaires, box-office stars, famous lovers.In one way, it makes sense: since they’ve done it (whatever it may …

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